LYRICS:
ARTICLES
Drug Subway
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POETRY
© Allie Shanks 2005
Gie me laughter!
Gie me pain, aye!
Buy me the glue tae get masel the-gether again.
Am lik a druiket duck fae staunin in the rain.
Gear lik a tatty-boggle placed oot yonder.
If ye don’t gie me this chance, ye’ll only wonder!
Aw this ignorance and my heart still hasnae wandered.
Just gonnae gie me somethin, jist no goin tae leave me weak an’ weary, awfie feary.
Build us a boat, pedal me up the Isles.
I’ll speak the broad Scots that makes wee you gie smiles!
Mind o’ me, am oot in the cold… Come catch me the noo, or forever
withhold.
© Allie Shanks 2005
My hands smell like soil, I’ve been digging to find your heart.
Deep, deep down, still nowhere to be found.
Surrounding my senses, each & everyone!
I’m digging for your heart & better days to come.
With dirty knees, I’ve been talking to god, hands clasped, halo polished.
That’s been a long time demolished… Slowly slipping day-by-day, think of that what you may.
I asked not for forgiveness.
I asked not for wealth, I asked for happiness but not for thy self.
For your beauty hidden so deep.
With your look of mischief, keeps me on my feet.
Perhaps one day I’ll get to meet… Who it is you are inside.
I’ll dig forever, I don’t mind.
By your side threw deep, shallow, happy or bad, angry or mellow.
Your love pill I swallow more milligrams by the day, becoming more in love with you every possible way.
Lay beside you or far apart.
See your smile or hear your voice.
To love you unconditionally is my choice.
You don’t have to follow, as you don’t have to lie… But you can’t stop me from loving you.
Don’t even try.
© Allie Shanks 2005
I wish to live each day as my last!
I wish time not to go by so fast!
Days when I'm rushing all out of breath...
I wish for a lot never done, never said.
Days when I wish only to succeed!
Days when I wish for all I need!
Days I remember life is no deed...
We all start of a single sead.
Grow and grow untill one day we lead.
Watch...
Love...
Accept until wishes is something we don't longer need.
Save your wishes, life is short and every wish made takes a second away
from whatcha' got.
LYRICS
© Allie Shanks 2005
One morning after night of storm, rain of morn, I’ll wake up aware of our
brake up.
Still I place your coffee cup, touch your skin, gently kiss your bottom lip.
Each time from your cup I sip.
Clipped winged butterfly, once so sociable now not as much as a hello or
a goodbye.
As you prance, do you think that I only sit alone with nothing but a hand on
the phone...
Awaiting my butterfly to fly back home.
Though I do not have strength, if built on I’d have the muscle to give in
reassurance as to not live forever and a night alone.
Beautiful, gentle flutter on by, no eyes in sight even if were I doubt I’d
see no cry.
Thy heat activation put stone to test as for a long time in your coldness my
heart I did rest.
Praying to be loved, never to be freed, endlessly wishing for me you would
need.
Forcing me, pushing my body, my thoughts, my all I gots aside... When all I
tried to find was your heart.
Once I saw your smile, once I held you close feeling you on my skin is one
thing I shall miss most. But forever I’ll live with the ghost of love that
never made it. With the heart that broke but never said it.
Mornings I’d watch, crave to wake you up.
Nights just being with you, doubting my own luck.
One afternoon after night of storm, rain of morn I’ll walk to the window of
where we once stood.
Before you flew away threw not loving me as you felt you should.
One night I’ll cry without want of more, one morning I sigh, one afternoon
I’ll have the strength to wave goodbye... To my bettered winged butterfly.
© Allie Shanks 2005
Don’t go listening to friends that hate me.
You would never have done that before.
Don’t try and make us when I never see you,
I never see you any more!
I said I need you and that’s no tell tale, believe me and be fare.
I’ll take this lost ship, I’ll make it friendship I’ll love us just the way
we are!
I just want someone who’ll let me love them,
I want my angel my ickle star.
I took the pain I’ll take the pleasure…
I won’t make you cry again…
I don’t want a patchy resolution,
I don’t want the one with solution.
I said I need you and that’s no tell tale, believe me and be fare.
I’ll take this lost ship, I’ll make it friendship I’ll love us just the way
we are!
I want someone who’ll let me love them,
I want my angel my ickle star.
I took the pain I’ll take the pleasure…
I won’t make you cry again…
I don’t want tell tales, cider stories and pig tales.
I don’t want our love to fail.
I want you to trust me, now and forever.
I want someone who’ll let me love them,
I want my angel my ickle star.
I took the pain I’ll take the pleasure… I won’t make you cry again…
I said I need you and that’s no tell tale, believe me and be fare.
I’ll take this lost ship, I’ll make it friendship I’ll love us just the way
we are!
You need to know that I will always be the certain one that cares to see,
the special someone that stands before me, laughing for good times, crying
for bad times…
I said I need you and that’s no tell tale, believe me and be fare.
I’ll take this lost ship, I’ll make it friendship I’ll love us just the way
we are!
© Allie Shanks 2005
I'm sitting in the dark, lights are all out.
Pathetically like a lost puppy I'm wondering about.
From room to room... Closing door after door.
My mind is working overtime, I plead for a sign.
If only rest wasn’t needed, if sleep wasn't a must.
Watching the smoke sway from my lungs, writing your name in the naked flame.
I could have done more for us.
I left you with same day different story whilst I sped in my glory.
I feel innocently guilty, a little insane.
Swallowing two pills to numb the pain or hide the shame.
I shouldn't have let things stay the same.
It's a catch twenty-two... Who do I love more?
You or me. (Whispered in background)
Heart and body are racing like a high-speed train. (Strong Instrumental)
Mainly running from you not to you.
Chorus.
When tables are turned, when hearts are burned.
Find me a way to work through.
You being, Out Of Sight!
You told me a secret before you hung up the phone.
Now it rests in my head alone, where have you gone tell me it isn't true.
Has someone else fallen in love with you?
I stood unfinished, not ready to give up hoping you’d told them they were
out of luck.
I could have done more for us.
I left you with same day different story whilst I sped in my glory.
You were my grass the others were muck, I trusted you, I spoke to you.
I guess though... I didn't listen to you.
Stuck in my own mistake with no getting out... You should come with a users
manual; what you all about.
I played no games, done no wrong... I'll forever look.
I know you're gone.
Chorus.
When tables are turned, when hearts are burned.
Find me a way to work through.
You being, Out Of Sight
You with your cool one liners, me sipping' cocktails on recliners... Tell
the upholsterers my heart has torn.
All those times, I could have sworn...
You were the one (Whisper)
You had me before you opened your car door.
Now am back here, alone. (Chorus continued, faded out until the end of
song).
ARTICLES
Drug Subway:
Part 1: Sanity in Jeopardy
I try to accidentally-on-purpose cut myself with a kitchen knife to release the pain, anger from deep inside, not only my heart, but also my soul; it also riddles my bones... Head to toe. Without asking, I got. I wish I could grin and say I’d been blessed; yet I just can’t. How are others meant to accept me for who I am, when I can’t accept myself? It scares me, paranoid times!
It’s me myself that appears to have the problem with it. Though I can’t shift it, if I thought I could cut it away, I would - blunt or razor sharp; I’d remove it from my head and heart, from every single thought in my mind of present, as well as future, near and far.
Having a want for a stronger, more powerful word, it has to be said, “I’m sad “.
I’ve tried to walk away to different places and sometimes consider attempting a crossing to another life... If there is such a thing, it hasn’t exactly been confirmed. I’m so pathetic; I don’t even have the strength to carry it out. One may say that’s called common sense; I call it weakness.
I could make a clown so unhappy that instead of his accessories, pink and blue helium balloons, he’d be latching onto a bottle of Prozac - top fashion accessory these days. Obviously, I do not have them. I deserve to feel this awful, soul-destroying, heart breaking, head bursting way.
Don’t talk to me, I’m a liar. Don’t answer me, I’m a player. Don’t take me home, I’m a breaker. So they think I’ve just been scared. Never letting myself get too close for comfort because it wasn’t all about myself. Despite what some may say? Tags on yourself, full of it, cocky... Arrogant, big headed.
No, I was distant, nothing more, nothing less. A little uncanny but I thought what I was doing was for the best. You might as well all get in line and slap me one at a time, say your piece then walk away. Hate me for the rest of your days, never again to quote me, never again to see me. Pure heaven.
All I’ve had, all I’ve let go. For what... Criticism? By whom? It seems to be coming only from yours truly.
Three a year with a time division, every different part of my life separates to the point of being unrecognizable and unrelated. Completely devastated by my own person; I hate you so bad.
Boiling with anger, drowning in torrential tears. Who sees it? Who knows it? Only myself.
Preparing myself, breathing deep, sweeping blonde hair from my forehead, to others I’d be shivering. Truth being, I’m withdrawing. Not for much longer, I think to myself, as I look to my arms, awaiting my veins to rise in order to be pierced by the sharp jag of a needle With a boot-lace wrapped around my arm, top button of my denims undone for when I unconsciously double over onto the floor, as I smack myself out for estimated time - three hours.
Looking around me in my sitting room bare naked, where my possessions have been borrowed or sold, at pictures of family, friends that have been and gone. Each time with a lump in my throat, doubts in my head. Each time contemplating not doing it, not pushing that syringe. I never ever want to, I just need to. I pray to God above never to think it’s a choice, because it’s not; it is an addiction, an illness that no one can cure alone. Where there’s life there is hope, which not everyone holds.
Try standing before someone asking them for help and explaining that you’re an ex-addict. Your card’s marked before they hear your name. Last in line, last priority. This is understandable. But in life we all make mistakes and, though actions may point some place different, drug abusers are still humans. They have beating hearts like anyone else... Perhaps numbed; Guaranteed, though, you won’t ever get a drug addict who is an addict because he or she wants to be.
What am I, though? Who am I to talk? They take one look at the black circles round my eyes, my broken teeth and yellow looking skin. Hear the quiver and lack of confidence in my voice. Then turn their backs.
I want help that no one will give me; don’t pity me for turning to heroin
Part 2: The Alley Way
Help me! She plead to the strange man, I’ve been terribly wrong. I took good as bad and bad as good, love as hate and hate as my defence. Now I am here alone, with no one as my Strength. I’m as guilty as I am ignorant as to why it has come this far, taken this long to turn my self around. In my process though I have achieved broken ribs, bloody noes, cracked jaw, broken heart and deantede pride. All because I got it wrong... Help me! Please, what have I done?
Perhaps too much child life is ambitious but not that deceitful that you play your friends, family like a game of monopoly. Respect is earned where respect is gained, peoples hearts keep the good and cry out the bad. You are but an unworthy cause of bad blood and hatred. Find yourself, Help yourself child... Before any one else can even try.
Child? Sir I am twenty-five!
Yes perhaps in body but in mind and soul you are yet in those child hood years, where you gained your tricks of the trade... Hand you were dealt has been the hand you have played. Go back, and goodness flush out the bad. No matter how long the journey... You will come back a better man!
Man, but I am a girl, female... Woman?
Yes, so why if you know what you are do you attempt being someone else, boyish, rude, hurtful? When I see a potentially beautiful woman with a heart of corn wanting nothing more than a little direction; Why?
You see sir... He got all the attention and love!
Excuse the poetical side... But you got the shove? Of who do you speak? Of who’s powers have you become so week?
Her head of short cropped blonde hair hung in shame, her small petit though scar marked hands shook... Him, the one who has never done good for doing bad, who has left a path of mass destruction, caused friction, been the loss of family, hate of friends... The golden boy who’s feed of love never ends. I lied, cheated as I tried to be someone who is nothing close to me not in personality, voice, looks or complexion! Left reaching in the gutter after following his steps. He as no one never looked back and I was left due to falling behind in an alley way in the dark. So many things to do, see and embark. Just a little fish caught by a shark.
Sir older does not mean wiser, better looking does not mean kinder. To be witty and clever is not to be the finder of everything life has to give.
Exactly young girl... You can make it you still have a life to live. Highest mountain, deepest shore... Believe in you and who it is you are with no over powering need to follow another’s lead.
Like water to a seed...?
Yes, grow and blossom, vibrant and strong. It is never too late to change for ones self.
I think Sir I have been too silly, perhaps far too wrong!
Before her next question was spoken the ‘Sir’ was gone. Back to her box did she climb though the wise mans words played on her mind. Jumping up, looking around, smiling with no sound... She whispered as she ran; Thank you Sir I will be found.
Some times all one needs is gentle kind words to perhaps turn their stuck head round. Help to find who it is they are.